I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
