What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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