he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize