and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
