HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
