If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
