i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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