I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
