i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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