I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
