so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
