she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your penis caused this!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
