God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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