Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
