so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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