I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
