Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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