you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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