Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize