The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
