I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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