YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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