I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Who died my cat blue again?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
