just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
