why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Boobs are out for the taking
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
