fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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