Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
