Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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