whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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