You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
