it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
