first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
