the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
