we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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