I am full of burrito and curiosity
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
