I skipped work to stalk him.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
