dude i'm inner monologue high
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
