the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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