when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
