I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
