Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
