Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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