Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
