I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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