My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My balls are so social today.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
