My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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