don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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