wrigley field is MILF paradise
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
