Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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