I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
