That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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