I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
