I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
