Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
