I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
