so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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