fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
