Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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