I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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