you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
