When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
