When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
