I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
