Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
