Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
