Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
