I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
