is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
