i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
