I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
