YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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